About regrets

The great Anis Mansour once wrote about a French lady who had told him that we're all living in a forest of question marks & exclamation marks. If you think thoroughly about it, you'll find that this is an absolute baffling truth about life; we keep asking & asking & wondering & asking, we keep going through these endless circles of Whys especially when bad events roll down.  We keep asking "Why did this happen to me?!" or "Why didn't this happen to me?!" whatever we wanted that thing to happen or not to happen it's still a WHY that we ask, it's still a BECAUSE that we're waiting for. Events keep rolling & we keep searching for a BECAUSE but here's a question, are we really gonna be satisfied when we get that "BECAUSE"?! Does it matter if we get it?! Does it even help?!

Well, sometimes it's a massive help when we know the reasons so we can save the day & make things better but what if things can't be made better?! What if it's out of our control, does the BECAUSE still help?! In that case, pursuing the reasons takes you to the level of regretting. And when you go through regretting, you're going through one of the toughest cycles you might go through in your life; an endless tiring circle of Whys & IF Onlys. And when it comes to regretting, I'm a master!!

Since I've been a little kid, suffering regrets has been my daily habit. I regretted everything, I regretted my acts, my words, my moves, my laughs & even my tears. I regret saying this & not saying that. I regretted saying Yes & I regretted saying No. I lived my everyday life doing nothing but regretting. I suffered & I suffered & I suffer till this very moment. But this time, my suffering took me to a very different area, it took me to the area of "why the heck am I regretting in the first place, isn't that supposed to be my destiny?!". Yes, I'm responsible for my own choices but when it's not a choice that I made, when I get embarrassed stammering in public or when I babble the wrong answer when I already know the right one, it has nothing to do with me choosing it's just my destiny. Seems reasonable, huh?! And yet, I'm still regretting!!

A Priceless Moment

She looked very pretty, both did actually. They looked so happy; I never saw them that happy before. I was happy too, happy like never before. And why don't I get happy?! It's my big sister's wedding, I have every right to be happy, so does she & so does our mom. Actually, mom got every right to be the happiest person in the whole world; her big daughter is getting married. After all these years of hard work, of being there for better or worse, of good times & bad times, all these years of arguing, of laughs & tears, of reprimand & praise, of success & of failure, after all these years, her big daughter is making the most beautiful bride on this planet with her beautiful white gown, her fluffy white veil & her glamorous flashing smile. Finally, she's assured she has always been, despite people's criticism & so-called advice, on the right track. Today, she feels she's being rewarded for everything she's done. Yes, mom, you got every right to be happy, you deserve it, you actually earn that happiness.

I got drifted away by those thoughts; I was taken away as if I was flying, as if I was dreaming. Then, something brought me back to earth, a dinging sound as if someone clanged on a glass & then my name was called; it was my turn to give my bridesmaid speech.

I stood still for a minute trying to gather myself. I scanned the happy faces of our relatives & friends searching for the happiest of them; my mom's. I found it, beautifully glowing & happy, her happy eyes met mine & she gave me the encouraging look I've always known, I've always loved; I started talking: "Hello, dear friends & family. First, I wanna thank you all for coming today, it's really great we got to share our happiness with you. We hope you are having a blast at the wedding & we wish you everlasting happiness. Well,; ever since my sister & me were little kids, many of you have been asking us how we hang in with all those life struggles, troubles & adversities. You ask us what that thing is that makes us go through adversities with a serene smile & a strong heart. Today with all pleasure, I'm telling you our secret; it's LOVE. I remember my sister's first day at middle school; she was nervous about going to a new school, meeting new people, starting a whole new phase of her life. I remember mom grabbing her hands, looking into her eyes, I remember every word she told her then; she told her that life is always changing whether it's a good change or a bad one but it's changing after all  & we have to cope with that change. She told her that our only way to cope with that change is to love it, even if it's bad, we should search for the good in it & love it. We should who we are or who we turned out to be, we should love those who stand by our side, those who are always there for us. We should grasp every chance of love or happiness. And that's what I'm telling you today, embrace that priceless moment; embrace that moment for it's a moment of love, a moment of happiness, embrace it with all you got , love it with all your hearts, love each other, be happy. And don't forget… to enjoy the wedding." 

I love it bittersweet

I love it when I'm having this bittersweet feeling; when my heart is a little agonized, my eyes are welling up with tears yet my lips are curved into a weak delicate smile. I love those little things that make me experience that amazing contradiction. I love those little things that make me close my eyes hoping that this moment never ends yet asking when it will end. I love those little things that make me realize that along with bitterness, life offers tender sweetness. I love that shiver that takes over me when agony mingles with  joy, & when this delicate smile meets up with tears. I may resent the bitterness in it, like the sweetness in it but I will always always love it bittersweet. 

The Flyophobic

My eyes widened as I watched him spread his wings, flit around, fly back & forth creating huge circles in the air. The higher he flew, the tighter my claws clutched to the ground & the faster my heart beats raced in my chest. "What the heck is he thinking?!", I asked myself, "What could be that thing in flying that makes him risk his safety, his OWN LIFE?!!"

As all these thoughts rumbled in my mind, I felt a pat on my wing then a quiet confident voice called my name "Freeko! Hey, Freeko!!". I turned around to find him smiling at me, "When did he go down & come to my side?!",  another thought hit my head. "Hey!!" I chocked the word.

He (jokingly): Man, what's going on with you?!

I know I heard his question but I don't know why I didn't answer; it seemed like someone had put a spell on me or something.

His voice turned more serious when he talked again: Freeko, what's going on?! I'm your friend, man, you can talk to me.

It seemed like the magical spell was broken the thing that made me ask him: "Bondo', how do you feel when you're doing this? I mean, why are you risking your life for such thing?!"

He replied confusedly: What thing?!!

I snapped: FLYING!!!

It seemed like his confusion grew bigger as he asked: So your question is, Is flying worth risking my life for?

I replied quietly: Exactly.

He spun his head in complete disbelief & it seemed like he had hard time talking again: I can't get it, Freeko. We're BIRDS, remember?! Birds. We're designed to fly. We're all about flying & there's no such thing as risk when it comes to flying!!

I snapped: What!! Do you mean you don't fear falling down & dying?! You don't fear hitting against a high building or a big tree?! You don't fear getting drifted away by strong winds or blizzards?! You don't fear for yourself, your safety, your LIFE?!

He gave me a thorough gaze with a calm quiet comforting smile before he answered: No, I do fear for them all but does this have to stop me from flying?! Yes, I may fall down & die but isn't everybody destined to die after all?! And yes, I might hit against a high building or a big tree but also, I can stumble over a stone or a rock while walking here on the ground & get hurt, right?! And yes, I might get drifted away by winds but so might everybody. Don't you know?! Blizzards & winds could get so strong that people, trees, cars & even town could get swept away.

I sighed: What's your point?!

Well, he said, my point is that if you kept thinking about the dangers & the risks that might face you, you would never do what you're originally designed to do. You would never do your part in that world. You would never…Fly!! Then he stopped for a moment before he continued: Freeko, can I ask you something?!

"Sure" I said half-heartedly.

"Have you ever thought about what you could be missing by not flying?!"

"No!" I said under my breath.

He took a deep breath then looked at me "You're missing a lot, man. You're missing the wonderful blue skies, the breath-taking stars, the warmth of the sun, the moon light. You're missing a first-class seat from which you can watch that miraculous world with its unbelievable green fields, its silvery sparkling waters & its golden deserts. I'm not sure if you know about that but humans are willing to pay all they got for that seat that we originally have. You know my friend, all you need to do is defeat yourself & try to fly for once. Then & only then, you'll know what I'm talking about."

He spread his wings & went up high leaving me with my rumbling thoughts.   

Bold like a child

It's wondrous how little kids are so gutsy; it really shows when watching them on swings. They keep swinging back & forth with all the strength they've got fearless of any danger they could be facing like falling off the swing or getting hurt. All they care about is reaching the sky, playing with the bright stars & having some fun with the grayish cotton candy-like clouds.

Watching them in this unbelievable state of boldness makes me think about our very pure nature. If children represent a live example of human pure nature & children are that bold then we're bold by nature!!! Then,… why all that fear?! Why is fear almost the only thing controlling us, and by us I mean adults?! Why are we that afraid all the time?! We're afraid we might not get the job and when we get it, we're afraid we won't be up to the standards. We're afraid we might end up alone & when we have people by our sides, we're afraid they're not the right people. We're afraid we're too fat or too thin, we're too beautiful or too ugly, we're not fashionable or we're too stylish!!! We're always afraid.

As for me, I'm the most scared person on that planet. I'm scared of altitudes, rats, the future & even the present time. I'm scared of not being up to the standards which are by the way MY standards not anybody's. I've even become scared of SWINGS!!!! I'm scared of almost everything & honestly, I don't know if that's because the world has become a scary place or  it's just me losing my pure nature.

All in all, I'm reminding you, whoever you are, & myself that we're naturally designed to be brave & fearless. And may be everybody needs to ask themselves: "Am I bold like a child?!!"

May you all find ultimate happiness =) 

We're related!!

One of the dazzling truths about that life is that everybody living on that big, wide, wonderful planet are related!! Yes, if you think about it, you'll find that despite our differences we all have like a million things in common. For instance, we all breathe, we eat, we drink, we love, we hate, we sleep, we strive for happiness & so many other things that we have in common.
That dazzling truth makes me wonder, if every living human are some related then why all that hatred, envy & despise; why fighting & arguing; why do we do that after all?! Are our differences so much powerful that they conquer our similarities?! Are they so powerful to transform us to those hating envying creatures?! For me, our differences can never be more powerful than our similarities because although our differences are what define us, our similarities are what make us alive in the first place.
I believe in that big time & I hope that someday we will forget about our differences & only remember that we're all related!!

May you all find happiness =)

Meet the Bully

Teenage is one of the most critical stages in anybody’s life. As teenagers, we have a lot to encounter in our lives. We have school, teachers, and friends, finding out who we really are & determining what we wanna do with our lives. In addition to that rumble, some teenagers have a major problem that they have to deal with every day. They have to deal with Bullies!!!!

Bullying is a kind of abuse that anyone can encounter in his daily life. You can find bullies everywhere, at work, university or even across the neighborhood but bullying is more common in schools. So, you wanna know more about bullies. Here you go.

Bully fact # 1: It may be fun but the consequences aren’t funny at all

Bullies claim that they’re doing this just for fun & that they mean no harm. But the question is: “Do they really do no harm?. Unfortunately, yes they do & it’s not a slight harm, it’s a deep bleeding wound. Teenagers who are victims of bullying suffer low self-confidence. They have constant feeling of intimidation. Sometimes, they get into bleak depression that may drive them to taking their own lives!!!! (I know it’s hard to believe but you can search the internet for “Bullycide” & see for yourself that it really happened).

So what do you think now? Is it still funny?!!

Bully fact # 2: Bullying actions are reflection to the bully’s low self-confidence:

Yes guys, this is the truth!! When somebody spends his/ her time doing nothing but picking on others or mocking them, it’s because they want to drift people’s attention away from them or because they want people to believe they’re strong & highly confident of themselves. And why is that? It’s simply because they fear that if people knew they’re weak or if people had a chance, they would mock them and that’s so hard for them to take.

Bully fact # 3: they’re bullying you because they’re jealous from you:

If you thought about it for a while, you would find that it’s true. They’re doing this cause they know you’re better than they are. They think they can’t be like you or they don’t even wanna give it a shot so what they do? Bully you, destroy your self-confidence. And then………you’re down.

Now, you’ve known the truth about that bullying thing. But before you turn the page, I have something to tell you:

If you are a bully: “I know that deep inside, you’re so good to harm others, to be a bully. Try to discover the friendly-you & bring him/ her to life again. See people from inside. Be yourself & let others be themselves.  ”

If you’re being bullied: “You have to believe in yourself, love yourself as it is & never try to change it because people want you to. Give yourself a break & stop blaming yourself for everything you do even if it was dumb. Believe me, sometimes dumb things are what make life cool ;):)  ”