Episode 2...Growing Young!!

A couple of days ago, I got to see the newly-recruited crew of that student NGO I used to work with (I had the best time of my life working with that NGO by the way :)). Anyway, I scanned those young faces hoping to find a recognizable one but it was just in vain; they all looked new to me. They looked all ebullient with joy all over their faces but still, those joyful faces looked new to me!! Looking at those young joyful faces, I got overwhelmed with “a” feeling. Actually, I still don’t know what that feeling was; you can call it an indescribable feeling or whatever but that doesn’t change the fact that I was overwhelmed. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean I’m oblivious of the reason behind that “indescribable” feeling; I’m actually so aware of it. I mean, thinking of how dynamic life is is so fascinating. One year, I was working in that place with a group of passionate people & the next year, a new generation takes over with even more passion that we happened to have… Just fascinating!!

All overwhelmed with eyes on the verge of welling up, I thought about sharing this moment with a couple of my friends. Well, one of them completely understood how I felt, she actually was as overwhelmed as I was or even more!! The other one…well, let me tell you that what she told me is actually the main reason why I’m writing this right now. She told me with poise all over her face that it was so normal for me not to recognize any of these faces; this newly-recruited crew is actually crammed with freshmen & sophomores with a little minority of juniors & seniors and as you know I’m an…old veteran!! She looked at me & continued: “Nada, did you forget?! We’re the eldest amongst all those surviving students!! Nada, we’ve grown old!!”

Although I was totally aware of that fact, her words descended upon me like a bomb. At that moment, I realized that when it comes to the fact that it’s time for us to get promoted from being “young adults” to “adults”, I’m completely in denial. I mean, how on earth am I supposed to surrender to that off-putting social convention that assumes I’m not as young as I used to be when I joined uni while I actually feel the same deep down in my heart & soul?! Yes, I know that with being on the verge of graduating & getting involved in what they call “the real life”, I need to be much more responsible than I used to be. I know that & I totally respect it but that doesn’t mean I can’t have my share of fun, act recklessly every once in a while or hit the amusement park; for God’s sake, I’m only 21!!

You know what, all I’m cordially asking is not to be told that I’ve grown old every second. You know why…cause I’m NOT old; I’m still young & I’ll be young as long as my heart & soul are young. I’ll be young as long as I’m feeling young. I’ll be young no matter what my birth certificate or my national ID says. And here I am conveying this message to every fellow senior student… “Buddy, don’t you ever let anybody make you feel old when you still feel young inside. Don’t you ever let anybody take your youth away. Don’t you ever let anybody kill the youngster inside you. And proudly remember…you’re a senior & you’re young” :)

Episode 1...Memories!!

Senior year has officially started!! And like any other senior student, I got showered with swirls of memories as I tapped my first steps into uni. Before that, I got hit with a swirl of disbelief: “I’m a SENIOR!!Me?! I’ve really spent complete four years in this place?!” I shook my head in disbelief as I strolled down the hallways. And in a heartbeat , the past four years started to flashback!!

I can clearly recall my first day at uni, it’s like it was just yesterday. It was a Ramadan day. Fasting was wearing me out let alone how unconfident & insecure I felt. Yet, I tried my best at faking confidence; I walked through the iron gates with my newly-bought sunglasses on. I think I wore a white shirt & a red cardigan with a pair of blue jeans; I also remember I piled my hair into a bun, but that doesn’t matter after all.J Anyways, I walked in with a fake confident look on my face & started scanning the place, typically me!! I can’t recall exact images but I can say I saw a whole life in there; I saw people laughing out with their friends, catching up on what they missed during the long summer. I saw other people running or hopping or jogging or whatever you wanna call it who were hurrying to the lecture halls. And of course, there were those bemused goofs, AKA freshmen, who were spinning around in circles not knowing where to go. But the most important thing to remember was how optimistic I was that day, you can say “Little miss sunshine” would have been very descriptive!! I had those aspirations of not only becoming a great local engineer but also a great well-known scientist. I actually visualized myself stepping on the stage of the Stockholm concert hall to receive my Nobel Prize. With a dreaming mind, an aspiring soul & a heart full of hope, the journey kicked-off…

In fact, it was a hell of a journey, in an excruciating way & yet I can’t say it ripped me of my dreams. Of course, my dreams have undergone a few changes in some sort of a realistic way but still, that “Change the world” dream is still is chasing me, the thing that I’m really grateful for.

 My mind declared an end to the joyful flashback it started a minute ago as I reached the door of the lecture hall. I took a deep breath, pulled myself together & with a doubtful heart, a surviving soul & a mind full of memories, I stepped into my first senior-year tutorial!!

My Senior year...Prologue!!

A couple of years ago, I first watched my now favorite movie “Julie & Julia”. I was so inspired by the lead character “Julie” I decided to start a new blog where I write regularly. It took me a while thinking what I should be writing about till I decided on “Happiness”; in other words, I decided to write about my journey of pursuing happiness. I turned my computer on, took a deep breath & inaugurated a new blog entitled “The Happiness Project”. The funny thing is, if you checked that blog right now, in case it’s still valid, you’d find nothing but a small intro!! You know why?! Cause simply I wrote nothing but this small intro. I was so taken away by this ongoing vortex of life I couldn’t really stick to the project I excitedly embarked on.

A couple of days ago, I accidently found Julie & Julia showing on TV & I don’t have to say that the excitement was aroused all over again but this time it was pretty different. This time I didn’t think about starting a whole new blog or anything; I just thought about the idea of being committed to writing regularly about something, well, about my life mainly. 

 “But what is so interesting about my life i could write about?!” I bemusedly wondered. And then…EUREKA!! I should write about my senior year, yes I should!! Senior year is some sort of a milestone in everybody’s life. I mean, senior year is the gate to real life with all its hustle & bustle; all we have to do is just cross that gate. Of course, it’s not as easy as it sounds especially for me. And that’s why I decided I should write about it; about me crossing the gate…The gate to real life!!

A moment of revelation!!!

“Stay strong. Never break down, NEVER.” That’s the one sentence we grow up finding everybody telling us; at home, at school, in the media. Everywhere. We grow up thinking that we’re gonna get severely disgraced if we ever cried, snapped, broke or backed down. And if we ever find anybody doing any of this, we automatically call them quitters, losers, chickens.. you name it!!

I myself have grown up like this. I’ve always thought that crying is a shame, that breaking down is disgraceful, that staying strong every minute in every hour is what I should be fighting for all my life. This is how I perceived things till that one foggy day when I officially hit the rock bottom & pal, when you hit the rock bottom, breaking down is your only place to go, tears are your safest place to hide & anger is inevitably your best friend. Then & only then, I experienced what they call a moment of revelation; it was when I realized that God designed us with the ability to shed tears for a reason, that we’re all made from  hearts &  souls not of concrete or titanium. Experiencing this insightful moment, I realized that those little seconds when we act like crazies, those seconds when we break down & cry like new-borns, or act out of character are the reason why the human species is still surviving sanely or pseudo-sanely in that universe.

So, here’s what I propose, if you feel you can’t take it anymore, just blow off steam and do it your own way. If you feel like crying, don’t shut your eyes; let them well up with as many tears as they can. If you feel like screaming, scream as loud as you can but make sure you hurt nobody J If you feel like dancing, turn your favorite music on & go rock n’ roll . And you know what, always, always remember that you’re a delicate human, that we’re all designed to get vulnerable every once in a while. Keep in mind that even super heroes have their own vulnerable moments cause at the end of the day, they’re humans with hearts & souls not titanium lifeless statues.

May you all find happiness!! =)

Say what you need to say!!

I’ve always had tremendous admiration for those so-called unusual jobs. As a teenager, I wanted to be an astronaut, a nuclear scientist & an actress. But there’s one profession that fascinates me the most; whenever I find someone pursuing this profession, an overwhelming feeling of wonderment takes over me. Actually, I’ve realized that all my favorite movie heroines pursue the same profession. You know what this profession is…It’s the profession of writing!!

My story with writing started about 12 years ago when I first tried to write my first song. Actually, I wrote that song not for the sake of writing but for the sake of singing. Earlier that day, my teacher auditioned me for the school concert & I totally blew it so when I went home, I wrote a song on my blackboard & I tried to sing it. The funny thing is, I’ve never written songs nor sung in public since that day!! Then I turned out to be an assiduous reader; I literally read anything that came into my hands, ANYTHING!! And the more I read, the more I fell for those dazzlingly smart insightful creatures called writers.

I grew up, joined college, survived my freshman year with all its crazy complications & then moved to the toughest year in my whole life; my sophomore year. As a sophomore, I had so many challenges; academically, socially & personally. I needed to find a way to blow off my angry thoughts, to express my confusion, to motivate myself & my peers. At this moment, I grabbed my pencil & I simply let on my thoughts onto a piece of paper.

A couple of months later, I found a friend with whom I shared the passion for writing. Thanks to this friend, I started this blog the thing that motivated me to write more & more.

Honestly speaking, I don’t if I’m a good writer or not; I’m not even sure if I have the potential to be a good writer. But you know what, I’ll never stop writing, at least for now, cause writing not only saved me when I hit the rock bottom but aslo gave me the courage to say what I need to say & that’s what really matters in life.

May you all say what you need to say!! =)

Don't worry...Wake up!!

You're lying in your bed. You open your eyes; a whole new day has come. And...your mind kicks off with some thoughts. So, what about those thoughts?!Have you ever thought about them; the thoughts that pop into your mind as you wake up every morning?! 

Well, I have and you know what I've found?! I've found that the first thing that comes to my mind as I wake up is worry. Every day, every morning I wake up & I'm worried. I'm worried about showing up late. I'm worried about not being good enough. I'm worried about failure, about myself getting disappointed. I'm worried about being fat or not being too healthy. I'm so worried that I'm afraid of getting off my bed.Simply, I'm worried.  

So,you must be thinking now how does it feel?! In no more than one word, awful. It feels AWFUL. It feels like you're being brutally hit & you're totally helpless. It feels like you've become a big fat disappointment yourself, although you're most probably not. It feels bad. And there's no doubt that those thoughts of worry hold me back from doing what I'm supposed to do. So, I totally know that those thoughts are complete life-demolishers & yet I keep them in my mind, you think I'm such an idiot, right?!

Well, maybe you were right but not any more because I hereby decide that this is gonna change; that there won't be worried thoughts any more. So, you must be thinking now "mmm...So what are you gonna do anyways?!". Well, I may not be able to stop them but I'm for-surely able to defeat them. And here comes a decision; from now on if I wake up in the morning worried that I can't, I'll rapidly think that I can,I'll give it a shot & Insha'Allah I'm gonna do it. From now on, if I wake up thinking that everything is a mess, I'll look at the bright side; I'm awake, I'm alive & even if things are messy, I'll fix them. From now, I'll wake up & think happy thoughts; I'll think about my mom, my friends, my family,a beautiful song or I'll even think about my favorite shirt. =)

Honestly speaking, I don't know if this would work but again, I'm gonna give it a shot and wake up.

May you all find happiness =)

Start Fresh!!

"So, this time I'm starting fresh. I mean it, I'm turning on a blank new leaf." That's what I keep telling myself whenever things go wrong & it seems like I've hit the rock bottom again.  I wake up the next morning willing to start fresh but things get messy again to ruin my fresh start so I decide on another fresh start but things keep getting messy until I get disappointed, decide to give up on trying & surrender to the status quo.
But here's the question, am I really starting fresh?! Is it a true fresh start?! Do my trials measure up to a true fresh start?! Do I really do what it takes to deserve another chance?! I don't know, well, I do know that some of my trials aren't hard enough, that I don't really fight for a decent start. I do know that the tiniest problems seem to me like huge obstacles that get me put my armor down & stop fighting procrastination.

So...Right here, right now, I decide to have a fresh start; a true one. I decide to wrestle my procrastinating fearful self. Yes, I don't know for sure if I'm going to win the fight or not but at least I'm gonna try and if it didn't work out this time...I'd  try again. If it didn't work out this time...I'd start fresh.
May you all find happiness =)

The best is yet to come!!

Life is full of surprises; a thought that popped into my mind yesterday, life never fails to surprise us. You think you've been to the most beautiful place in the world, and then you go to another place & you surprisingly find out that it's more beautiful. You think you've heard the most exquisite piece of music, then another magical piece takes you by surprise. People think they've discovered all the territories, then Columbus discovers America. They think they've known everything about Physics, then Einstein develops the theory of relativity. The whole world thinks a nation is doomed as a third-world country, then its people arise to show the entire world the noblest revolution in the modern history. You see, life never fails to surprise us. 

That actually reminded me of an Egyptian soap I once watched; the heroine ended the show saying that if we want happiness, we should live our life awaiting something good to happen. We should believe that we haven't lived our best moment yet, that we haven't said the best words yet, that we haven't been to the most beautiful place yet.That means one thing; if we wanna live happily, we have to believe that the best is yet to come.

May you all find happiness =))