About regrets

The great Anis Mansour once wrote about a French lady who had told him that we're all living in a forest of question marks & exclamation marks. If you think thoroughly about it, you'll find that this is an absolute baffling truth about life; we keep asking & asking & wondering & asking, we keep going through these endless circles of Whys especially when bad events roll down.  We keep asking "Why did this happen to me?!" or "Why didn't this happen to me?!" whatever we wanted that thing to happen or not to happen it's still a WHY that we ask, it's still a BECAUSE that we're waiting for. Events keep rolling & we keep searching for a BECAUSE but here's a question, are we really gonna be satisfied when we get that "BECAUSE"?! Does it matter if we get it?! Does it even help?!

Well, sometimes it's a massive help when we know the reasons so we can save the day & make things better but what if things can't be made better?! What if it's out of our control, does the BECAUSE still help?! In that case, pursuing the reasons takes you to the level of regretting. And when you go through regretting, you're going through one of the toughest cycles you might go through in your life; an endless tiring circle of Whys & IF Onlys. And when it comes to regretting, I'm a master!!

Since I've been a little kid, suffering regrets has been my daily habit. I regretted everything, I regretted my acts, my words, my moves, my laughs & even my tears. I regret saying this & not saying that. I regretted saying Yes & I regretted saying No. I lived my everyday life doing nothing but regretting. I suffered & I suffered & I suffer till this very moment. But this time, my suffering took me to a very different area, it took me to the area of "why the heck am I regretting in the first place, isn't that supposed to be my destiny?!". Yes, I'm responsible for my own choices but when it's not a choice that I made, when I get embarrassed stammering in public or when I babble the wrong answer when I already know the right one, it has nothing to do with me choosing it's just my destiny. Seems reasonable, huh?! And yet, I'm still regretting!!