The 29th of September

I was standing before the mirror, dressing-up, doing my hair & singing to my favorite Beatles’ “With a little help from my friends” & then she enters the room with her smile that I consider the most beautiful smile in the world.

Juliet(almost singing it): Someone seems to be in a good mood today!! WOW! Mom, you look pretty today.

Me: What do you mean kiddo? I’m always pretty or from where do you think you got that pretty face of yours?

Juliet (chuckling): I know that you’re always pretty but today, you’re extraordinarily pretty & happy!! Wait, it’s neither your birthday nor dad’s (she said counting on her fingers & looking to the ceiling of the room as if she was recalling something), and it’s not your anniversary. Wait; maybe it’s my birthday but how come I can’t remember MY OWN birthday!!

Me (still dressing-up): honey, it’s not anyone’s birthday & it’s not anyone’s anniversary.

Juliet (showing that childish confused face that I adore): Then, what is that all about? And why you’re dolling up, where are you going?!

Me (grabbing her hand tenderly): Come, sweetheart. Sit.(She sat by my side on the bed, still confused). Well, today is a very special day in my life, I guess you’ll understand how important is that day to me if I tell you that I’ve been waiting for that day for more than 20 years.

Juliet: What?! What can be the importance of a day that makes you wait for it for such a long time?! I mean, what’s gonna happen today?

Me (smiling): I’m gonna meet my best friend.

Juliet: Your best friend?! Do you mean Aunt Melanie, or Aunt Kitty or Mrs. Simone?

Me (smiling): No, honey. I’m gonna meet Tina, my BFF J

Juliet (confused again): Tina?! I’ve never heard of her before.

Me: Well, it’s a long story, you wanna hear it?

She nodded with her eyes wide open as if she was watching a suspense movie that reached the peak of its plot.

Me: Well, Tina & I have been friends for as long as we can both remember. It has been like we were born friends. We used to do everything together although we didn’t share a lot of similar interests. But, each one of us has learned to be there for the other no matter what. She supported me in my art shows although she saw no point at surreal art & I cheered her on in her soccer matches although I saw no point at soccer.  You know, people used to tell us that if we had been Siamese twins, we wouldn’t have been that close to each other.

Juliet (with a sad smile): what happened, mom? Why did you both drift apart?

Me: Well, we didn’t “drift apart”. Actually, Everything happened in overnight. We were spending a typical Saturday night, chit-chatting & listening to The Beatles, our favorite band, when her mom knocked on the door. She looked sad & it was like she wanted to tell us something but at the same time, she didn’t want to. I didn’t know why then, but I felt like I was drifted away by a wave of fear & anxiety of what she was gonna say. And my guts were right. She looked at us with sad eyes & said: “Girls, I know that’s gonna be hard but I want you to know that this’s hard on me too”. We were too worried to reply, so she went on: “Girls, There has been this problem at work. And….as a result, I was sent to the company’s branch in England”. A moment of silence dominated then Tina chocked the words out: “Does this mean we’re moving to England?”. We both looked at Tina’s mom with our eyes begging her to say “No”. But she said it, she said: “Yes. And we have to be ready in a week”.

I looked back at Juliet to find her looking at me with anticipation. So, I smiled at her & went on.

Me: I didn’t know how this week had passed but I knew that it was the saddest week of my whole life. You know, people say that happy times fly while hard times crawl but this week.. this week was an exception to that rule, it just flew at the speed of light (I smiled faintly & she smiled ) .I remember the day when she departed very clearly. I remember everything, the black shirts we were both wearing to show our sadness, the warm air of September blowing over my skin through the back-seat window of her mother’s car, the voice of the flight-hostess announcing that all the passengers of flight 250 should head to gate 1. And I remember…. I remember the deal we made this day.

Juliet, interrupting for the first time: what deal?!

Me: Well, we made that agreement that if we couldn’t find each other in 20 years, we would meet on the 29^th of September, 2010 which is exactly 20 years from the day we separated & which is coincidently…. Today J

Juliet chuckled & said: So, you’re gonna meet her today.

Me (with an intending tone): Yes, I am.

Juliet: Mom, could you please tell me more about Tina? How was she like? How was she different from you?

Me (Lying back down): First of all, she was completely different from you on all levels. We always used to say that together, we form a perfect manJ. She was a big sports fan, all kinds of sports. She always made fun of me for being an art fan. She said I should have lived in the 15^th century.

We both break into laughter & Juliet says: she’s right, mom.

I laugh & continue: Even our dreams, they were completely different. I always dreamt of being a filmmaker & that one day, I would be an Oscar winner but she always dreamt of a calm happy life in the country maybe, you know, where there are no challenges, competitions or conspiracies. But you know, The only thing we had in common was our love for music. For both of us, music has been our way to express ourselves, our happiness, sadness, excitement. You know, we had these playlists for every mood like “The happy list”, “The sad list” & we always used these lists to express ourselves.

Juliet: Oh my God!! Mom, that’s so….(Ting Ting Ting Ting, the clock struck 12 p.m.)

Me (my heart beats racing): Wow, I guess it’s my time to set off.

Juliet: Really!! Awesome!! Move, mom, move.(she grabs my purse & pushes me to the door). Well, mom, you’ve been waiting for this for 20 years. So, take a deep breath, don’t worry & go meet your BFF. Yeah, and tell her that I can’t wait to see her.

Me (taking a deep breath): OK, I think I’m ready to go. Wish me luck, honey.

Juliet (Waving me goodbye): Good luck, mom, good luck.

It felt like everything around me was moving as if it was a dream. All I could see was vague figures moving& voices talking but I couldn’t recognize the moves or the word. Because simply, none of these moves or words mattered at that mattered. All what mattered was meeting my best friend, my soul mate after 20 years of separation. With every beat of the second hand of my watch, a new thought struck my mind. A thought of fear telling me that she wouldn’t show up because something bad has happened to her or because she simply forgot our deal. A thought of excitement wondering how she would look like. A thought of optimism telling me that I should be over the moon; I was meeting my soul mate.

And with a beat that I thought of as the best second-hand beat in my life, she showed up. She was approaching me with her beautiful supporting smile that I never forgot. She came closer & I stood up from my seat, smiling back at her & in a split second, she stood ten inches away from me. We stood still like that, doing nothing but smiling for about five minutes & then she broke the silence; “Hey, Mandy!”

“I didn't know why I felt like that, but something about the way she said “Hey” didn’t seem right… didn't seem familiar. I tried to shake this thought off my mind & replied: Hey, Tina. How are you doing?”. And I opened my arms for her & we hugged. But also, something felt not right & I guessed I wasn't the only one who felt like that, she was at unease too; I could feel that.

We sat at the table & I started talking: So, we finally meet.

Tina: Yeah, we do!!

Me: You know, for a second there, I thought you forgot about our deal. You know, you were a little bit late.

Her: Yeah, I’m sorry about that. But I had that board meeting that lasted for over three hours.

Me (astonished): A board meeting!!! So, Tina, what do you do for a living? Did you get married? Do you have kids? Tell me, tell me everything.

Her (with that serious tone she has maintained since she opened her mouth): Long story short, I studied Marketing & now, I’m the founder & owner of a cosmetic-products company. I’m married to a business man too & we have two kids, twins actually.

Me: Wow, that’s great.

A moment of silence prevailed & I looked like I was waiting for her to ask me about my life. Then after a second she asked: Oh, Mandy, what about you?

Me: Well, I studied English Literature & now I’m working as a freelance writer for various newspapers & I’m preparing for publishing my first book. (I looked so excited when saying that, actually, that was worth excitement).

Her (with cold facial expression that I never experienced before): And you’re married…engaged or what?

Me: Yeah, I’m married too & I have two kids, Juliet &……..

Her (interrupting): & Romeo, right?! I can’t believe you’re still interested in these things.

Me (very angry at her & her ridiculous sarcasm but not showing it): No, they are actually Juliet & Ted.

Her: Cute names!!

We spent almost an hour talking about anything other than our friendship & how we’re gonna restore it. It felt like a conversation you can have with any person while waiting at the doctor’s office more than a conversation best friends would have. I t was like every word she spoke spaced the distance between us. “This is not the Tina I knew”, I thought to myself. And at a moment that I considered then as moment of courage but now I consider it as a moment of complete idiocy, I decided to ask her the question that has been rumbling in my mind since she showed up.

Me: Tina, are you OK?

Her: Yeah!!! Why are you asking?

Me: mmm, actually I feel that there’s something different about you; something that didn’t exist before.

Her: And where’s the problem here?

Me: Well, please don’t get me wrong but…… I’m a little bit uncomfortable about that thing.

Her: Ok, I don’t get you now.

Me: Tina!!! Can’t you see?! You’re not the Tina I used to know. You’re completely different and honestly I…….

Her (interrupting): And you don’t like the person I’ve become.

Me: I wasn’t exactly going to say it that way but……

Her (interrupting again): Look, Mrs. “how dare you change the Tina I knew”. If you can’t see it, turn to your mirror & look at yourself, and you’ll realize that you’ve changed too. You know why?! Because that’s life; everything changes & everyone changes.  I don’t know what were you expecting to see? The eighteen-year old Tina that you left twenty years ago. Well, I’m sorry that you didn’t get what you expected but that’s life too. I can’t believe that you’re thinking that way. You know what, I have an appointment with an investor in 30 minutes & I have to go.

Me (all shocked):  Wait, Tina, I didn’t mean to…….

This time she didn’t interrupt me. This time, I couldn’t find any words to say.

Her: No, Mandy, I’m not gonna wait. Not because I don’t wanna wait, I want. But, you hurt me, Mandy. How you didn’t accept me as I’m really wounded me.

And honestly, I think this wound is gonna take a long time to heal. I’m sorry, Mandy. I’m sorry for everything.

She grabbed her purse & left. I saw her leaving & I knew that this time, she’s not coming back. And this time, her leaving was because of me. Because I didn’t accept her as she was, because I didn’t give her the chance to explain what changed her that way, because I didn’t realize that I’ve changed too & that I should expect  that she should have been changed too. Because I was such an idiot who didn’t believe in change, I lost my best friend for ever.