Don't worry...Wake up!!

You're lying in your bed. You open your eyes; a whole new day has come. And...your mind kicks off with some thoughts. So, what about those thoughts?!Have you ever thought about them; the thoughts that pop into your mind as you wake up every morning?! 

Well, I have and you know what I've found?! I've found that the first thing that comes to my mind as I wake up is worry. Every day, every morning I wake up & I'm worried. I'm worried about showing up late. I'm worried about not being good enough. I'm worried about failure, about myself getting disappointed. I'm worried about being fat or not being too healthy. I'm so worried that I'm afraid of getting off my bed.Simply, I'm worried.  

So,you must be thinking now how does it feel?! In no more than one word, awful. It feels AWFUL. It feels like you're being brutally hit & you're totally helpless. It feels like you've become a big fat disappointment yourself, although you're most probably not. It feels bad. And there's no doubt that those thoughts of worry hold me back from doing what I'm supposed to do. So, I totally know that those thoughts are complete life-demolishers & yet I keep them in my mind, you think I'm such an idiot, right?!

Well, maybe you were right but not any more because I hereby decide that this is gonna change; that there won't be worried thoughts any more. So, you must be thinking now "mmm...So what are you gonna do anyways?!". Well, I may not be able to stop them but I'm for-surely able to defeat them. And here comes a decision; from now on if I wake up in the morning worried that I can't, I'll rapidly think that I can,I'll give it a shot & Insha'Allah I'm gonna do it. From now on, if I wake up thinking that everything is a mess, I'll look at the bright side; I'm awake, I'm alive & even if things are messy, I'll fix them. From now, I'll wake up & think happy thoughts; I'll think about my mom, my friends, my family,a beautiful song or I'll even think about my favorite shirt. =)

Honestly speaking, I don't know if this would work but again, I'm gonna give it a shot and wake up.

May you all find happiness =)

Start Fresh!!

"So, this time I'm starting fresh. I mean it, I'm turning on a blank new leaf." That's what I keep telling myself whenever things go wrong & it seems like I've hit the rock bottom again.  I wake up the next morning willing to start fresh but things get messy again to ruin my fresh start so I decide on another fresh start but things keep getting messy until I get disappointed, decide to give up on trying & surrender to the status quo.
But here's the question, am I really starting fresh?! Is it a true fresh start?! Do my trials measure up to a true fresh start?! Do I really do what it takes to deserve another chance?! I don't know, well, I do know that some of my trials aren't hard enough, that I don't really fight for a decent start. I do know that the tiniest problems seem to me like huge obstacles that get me put my armor down & stop fighting procrastination.

So...Right here, right now, I decide to have a fresh start; a true one. I decide to wrestle my procrastinating fearful self. Yes, I don't know for sure if I'm going to win the fight or not but at least I'm gonna try and if it didn't work out this time...I'd  try again. If it didn't work out this time...I'd start fresh.
May you all find happiness =)

The best is yet to come!!

Life is full of surprises; a thought that popped into my mind yesterday, life never fails to surprise us. You think you've been to the most beautiful place in the world, and then you go to another place & you surprisingly find out that it's more beautiful. You think you've heard the most exquisite piece of music, then another magical piece takes you by surprise. People think they've discovered all the territories, then Columbus discovers America. They think they've known everything about Physics, then Einstein develops the theory of relativity. The whole world thinks a nation is doomed as a third-world country, then its people arise to show the entire world the noblest revolution in the modern history. You see, life never fails to surprise us. 

That actually reminded me of an Egyptian soap I once watched; the heroine ended the show saying that if we want happiness, we should live our life awaiting something good to happen. We should believe that we haven't lived our best moment yet, that we haven't said the best words yet, that we haven't been to the most beautiful place yet.That means one thing; if we wanna live happily, we have to believe that the best is yet to come.

May you all find happiness =))

About a martyr!!

Since the 25th of January,2011, everybody has been talking politics but today, I'm not talking politics, I'm talking humanity!! Today, two Engineering students passed away after being shot in Tahrir & two days ago, a medical student & a Sheikh were shot dead. 

At that point, an extremely important question arises, what in the world have they done to end up shot & dead?! They've been demonstrating, that doesn't make criminals out of them; even if they were criminals, shouldn't they be tried before being executed?! 

Those people, those martyrs, had a life just like anyone of us, they laughed, they cried, they ate, they studied, they loved their families, they hung out with their friends, they were....HUMANS!!

So everybody, let's mourn for those martyrs, offer our condolences to their families & friends, express our grief & sadness. Let's condemn those outrageous murders & condemn those who committed them. Let's pray for the martyrs  & pray for our country. Let's pray for freedom, for a better tomorrow.

May God bestow his blessings & mercy upon our heroes...Our Martyrs!!

About regrets

The great Anis Mansour once wrote about a French lady who had told him that we're all living in a forest of question marks & exclamation marks. If you think thoroughly about it, you'll find that this is an absolute baffling truth about life; we keep asking & asking & wondering & asking, we keep going through these endless circles of Whys especially when bad events roll down.  We keep asking "Why did this happen to me?!" or "Why didn't this happen to me?!" whatever we wanted that thing to happen or not to happen it's still a WHY that we ask, it's still a BECAUSE that we're waiting for. Events keep rolling & we keep searching for a BECAUSE but here's a question, are we really gonna be satisfied when we get that "BECAUSE"?! Does it matter if we get it?! Does it even help?!

Well, sometimes it's a massive help when we know the reasons so we can save the day & make things better but what if things can't be made better?! What if it's out of our control, does the BECAUSE still help?! In that case, pursuing the reasons takes you to the level of regretting. And when you go through regretting, you're going through one of the toughest cycles you might go through in your life; an endless tiring circle of Whys & IF Onlys. And when it comes to regretting, I'm a master!!

Since I've been a little kid, suffering regrets has been my daily habit. I regretted everything, I regretted my acts, my words, my moves, my laughs & even my tears. I regret saying this & not saying that. I regretted saying Yes & I regretted saying No. I lived my everyday life doing nothing but regretting. I suffered & I suffered & I suffer till this very moment. But this time, my suffering took me to a very different area, it took me to the area of "why the heck am I regretting in the first place, isn't that supposed to be my destiny?!". Yes, I'm responsible for my own choices but when it's not a choice that I made, when I get embarrassed stammering in public or when I babble the wrong answer when I already know the right one, it has nothing to do with me choosing it's just my destiny. Seems reasonable, huh?! And yet, I'm still regretting!!

A Priceless Moment

She looked very pretty, both did actually. They looked so happy; I never saw them that happy before. I was happy too, happy like never before. And why don't I get happy?! It's my big sister's wedding, I have every right to be happy, so does she & so does our mom. Actually, mom got every right to be the happiest person in the whole world; her big daughter is getting married. After all these years of hard work, of being there for better or worse, of good times & bad times, all these years of arguing, of laughs & tears, of reprimand & praise, of success & of failure, after all these years, her big daughter is making the most beautiful bride on this planet with her beautiful white gown, her fluffy white veil & her glamorous flashing smile. Finally, she's assured she has always been, despite people's criticism & so-called advice, on the right track. Today, she feels she's being rewarded for everything she's done. Yes, mom, you got every right to be happy, you deserve it, you actually earn that happiness.

I got drifted away by those thoughts; I was taken away as if I was flying, as if I was dreaming. Then, something brought me back to earth, a dinging sound as if someone clanged on a glass & then my name was called; it was my turn to give my bridesmaid speech.

I stood still for a minute trying to gather myself. I scanned the happy faces of our relatives & friends searching for the happiest of them; my mom's. I found it, beautifully glowing & happy, her happy eyes met mine & she gave me the encouraging look I've always known, I've always loved; I started talking: "Hello, dear friends & family. First, I wanna thank you all for coming today, it's really great we got to share our happiness with you. We hope you are having a blast at the wedding & we wish you everlasting happiness. Well,; ever since my sister & me were little kids, many of you have been asking us how we hang in with all those life struggles, troubles & adversities. You ask us what that thing is that makes us go through adversities with a serene smile & a strong heart. Today with all pleasure, I'm telling you our secret; it's LOVE. I remember my sister's first day at middle school; she was nervous about going to a new school, meeting new people, starting a whole new phase of her life. I remember mom grabbing her hands, looking into her eyes, I remember every word she told her then; she told her that life is always changing whether it's a good change or a bad one but it's changing after all  & we have to cope with that change. She told her that our only way to cope with that change is to love it, even if it's bad, we should search for the good in it & love it. We should who we are or who we turned out to be, we should love those who stand by our side, those who are always there for us. We should grasp every chance of love or happiness. And that's what I'm telling you today, embrace that priceless moment; embrace that moment for it's a moment of love, a moment of happiness, embrace it with all you got , love it with all your hearts, love each other, be happy. And don't forget… to enjoy the wedding." 

I love it bittersweet

I love it when I'm having this bittersweet feeling; when my heart is a little agonized, my eyes are welling up with tears yet my lips are curved into a weak delicate smile. I love those little things that make me experience that amazing contradiction. I love those little things that make me close my eyes hoping that this moment never ends yet asking when it will end. I love those little things that make me realize that along with bitterness, life offers tender sweetness. I love that shiver that takes over me when agony mingles with  joy, & when this delicate smile meets up with tears. I may resent the bitterness in it, like the sweetness in it but I will always always love it bittersweet.